August was never our month

Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the one person you thought you’d spend forever with.

No matter how much you truly care about someone, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. No matter how hard you fight for someone, sometimes there is nothing more you can do when they look you in the eye and tell you they don’t know if they love you anymore. Sometimes after you give all you have, there’s truly nothing left. Loving someone isn’t always enough.

Humans are often motivated by fear; the fear of the unknown, fear of change, the fear of ending up alone. And that fear can cause us to settle. To resent the very thing we are trying so hard to keep. How many times does the universe have to show you, if you struggle so hard to keep something, it was never really yours to begin with?

“Loss of control is always the source of fear. It is also, however, always the source of change.”
–James Frey

And then there’s the fear of facing the fact that maybe we deserve better.

When my grandma passed away at the age of 84 this past May, my grieving grandpa said something that resonated within me: “Sixty-three years I spent with her, and it still wasn’t enough.” That is the love I want. That is the love I deserve.

In the end, there is only one person you are absolutely guaranteed to spend forever with, and that person is you. So when it comes down to losing someone, we all eventually have to trust that we will make it through. And trust, that in taking care of the person you do have to spend forever with, you will welcome love back into your life.

I won’t let you giving up on me mean that I should give up on myself.

Just because you don’t love me, that doesn’t make me unlovable.

I will repeat these words when the thought of losing you makes me sad. I will repeat these words, over and over again, until they become my only truth.

I am going to be fine. I will get through this. And I will be better for it. I will find somebody out there who treats me the way I deserve to be treated, who showers me with the love you never wanted to show me. And in a few months, when you realize [again] what you lost, this time I won’t be there.

https://www.instagram.com/p/r-JKzfDZ9F/?taken-by=kimbcast

Dinner talk

A few months back the boyf and I decided to have an impromptu date night. Cleveland Chop it was, due to the fact that a) their happy hour is absolutely amazing, and b) I had a craving for a good steak that wasn’t going to hurt his wallet too badly. Highly recommend this place for brunch too, btw.

So, I place an order for my 8 oz filet and the boyfriend tells me we just have to order these steak “cigars” as an app. Okay, I’m into it. They come out, all deep-fried and delicious looking, and when I asked if they were too hot to eat yet, his response kind of took me by surprise…

“Just don’t ruin your dinner by burning the roof of your mouth on the appetizer.”

I mean, it’s a simple enough statement. Not waiting for that delicious cheese oozing out of a deep fried steak-um to cool off before shoving it in your mouth would definitely, completely ruin a good steak dinner. And probably a handful of dinners after that. The appetizer was good, but being too eager to try it may result in regret. It really didn’t hit me until well after the fact, but, in giving this simple warning, he inadvertently provided a very interesting perspective on life.

I think oftentimes we tend get too caught up in the moment. We are so trained to live in this instant gratification existence, that we don’t really consider how a split second decision could have lasting effects on us and those around us. Whether it’s in a relationship, through social media, or otherwise; sometimes we just get too impatient, too impulsive. We burn our mouths before the main course comes out.

Let this unexpected dinner talk be a lesson to everyone, to take a moment. Your course in this life is largely determined by a string of small, seemingly inconsequential decisions. You can always benefit from letting the damn food cool off first.

the guyatus

Ever feel like you’re just going through the motions, like your happiness depends on the actions of someone you actually have no control over? Having trouble reconciling the difference between being in love with yourself and being expected to share your life with someone else? Yeah, it might be time for you to take a guyatus. I definitely made that word up. But, like, it’s clever, right?

guy·a·tus
ɡī ādəs/
noun
1. a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process, specifically with romantic encounters

There are many different benefits to a guyatus, the most important being the self-care aspect. Just focusing on yourself. Taking a break from searching; from expectations; from disappointment; from meaningless encounters. Looking inward to figure out how to really be happy instead of always seeking happiness outward. I highly recommend everyone try it at least once, because most times that’s all you need to figure out what you want and what you need.

Remember that bunk ass psychology class they made you take in high school? Recall something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? No? Let me refresh your memory.

image9

So every human has a basic physiological needs like food, water and sleep. Then we need shelter. The next step is fostering relationships with family, friends, etc. Then self-esteem, and finally, self-actualization; or knowing what you want and achieving it. Basically, what I’m trying to tell you, is take a guyatus, and reach self-actualization. Probably.

I don’t know I mean I made up the word like a month ago.

I don’t like making waves

The universe doesn’t just hand you opportunities… it only presents them to you. It’s up to you to recognize an opportunity when it comes around, and to seize it. Either that, or let it pass by and regret what could have been. Either that, or stay stuck.

We never like to admit when we feel stuck. It’s not a feeling to be proud of. And even if we don’t verbalize it, when a person is stuck everyone can see it — they wear it on them like a badge.

Personally, I don’t like making waves. I prefer making that steady, rolling water that you float and bob atop on a warm summer day. That constant and calming free-float. You know what I mean. You have to recover from waves. Once a wave hits, there’s that chance you can’t go back to the way things were. When you’re just floating, it’s comfortable. It’s dependable. It’s consistent.

Then I think, if you always do what you’ve always done, then you always get what you’ve always gotten. I’ve heard this statement in one form or another more times in the last week than I ever have before. When the universe presents an opportunity, then attempts to send all these signs… well then, it might be time to admit…

That maybe it’s time

To make some waves.

Twenty-three

Twenty-three is a weird fucking age. A year out of college, and everyone expects you to be responsible and have your shit together, but no one actually takes you seriously yet. This year has been amazing; it’s been scary, it’s been heartbreaking, and it’s been beautiful. With just under a month until I can say good-bye to this age once and for all, I wanted to impart some wisdom that I’ve learned in my short time here. (But you’re not going to take it seriously, anyway, are you?)

1. Do no harm but take no shit.

The message is simple: don’t be a dick. I cannot stress that enough. It is so easy these days to just be an asshole to everyone, and I’m sure it helps to get your way 90% of the time. But you don’t know what other people are going through. The person you didn’t let through during rush hour today? What if they were racing home to get to their sick child? You never know, man. Being a good person is just plain good for your soul. Just don’t let people take advantage of that— it’s a very fine line. This is important so it is and always will be the first on my list.

2. When everything sucks, have faith that it will get better.

Life is a constant stream of highs and lows. If it’s not, you probably haven’t lived it well enough. Keeping the faith that things will be better when everything starts to fall apart may not bounce you back to 100%, but do it anyway. A negative mind will only reap negativity. As a very wise friend of mine, Owen, once told me: “Sadness is a shroud that blocks out the beauty of life. You gotta force yourself to see thru it whenever you notice the negativity running thru your mind. It’s an effort that’s always worth it.”

3. Balance is the key to life.

You won’t be able to understand the sun without the rain, or happiness without sadness, and all that crap. Working tirelessly means you get all this money but are too exhausted to go out and enjoy your life. Not working at all means you’re too broke to enjoy certain things. Figure out the balance that works for you and enjoy your fricken time on this planet. Have continuous harmony between work, family, friends, and most importantly with yourself.

4. Set aside some “me” time every day.

Put away your phone, keep the TV off, get that computer out of your sight. Be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Read, write, meditate, whatever. Try and do something alone once a day that you do not need cable or internet to achieve.

5. Don’t let your happiness depend on another person.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn, as I strongly affirm caring for others is essential to human nature. But don’t let someone else dictate your own personal happiness: the people we surround ourselves with should enhance our lives, not determine it.

6. Don’t stress out about money but don’t ever live beyond your means.

You won’t be able to take your money, your car, your house, or your new Michael Kors watch with you when you kick the bucket. Spend more of your disposable income on experiences rather than possessions: traveling, dinners with friends, concerts, events. Put less of an emphasis on the material, only own what you need and can afford, and don’t take your possessions or experiences for granted. Also, don’t fucking get behind on your bills. Your credit score is too important to mess with.

7. Always allow yourself time to heal.

This applies both physically and emotionally. Drink too much last night and can hardly function today? Take care of yourself. If you need to stay home, stay home (unless you got that drunk on a work night, then I’m sorry for you). Injure yourself working out? Don’t be a hero, you can take time to heal. Also, emotionally… if you aren’t quite ready to go on a date since your last heartache, don’t take any shame in saying no. You owe this one to yourself.

8. Get out of your damn comfort zone.

Hi, I love my comfort zone. IT’S SO COMFORTABLE THERE. But, if you’re gonna advance in this life, you’re going to have to do some things that scare you. Give things a chance. It’s better to have tried and failed than to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

9. Accept the fact that people don’t always get what they deserve (right away).

Karma can be a bitch, in the way that it doesn’t always immediately hit the people who deserve it most. Sometimes the world gets it backwards; bad things happen to good people, and good things to bad. Accept that and know some day it will all make sense.

10. If you live alone, don’t waste your money on cable.

Growing up, my family never had cable. Then, after two decades of not having it, I moved out and my roommate and I ended up getting it for free on a fluke– a fluke that lasted two and a half years. I got so addicted to stupid shows that included endless housewives, Kardashians, and overall trash. But yet, “nothing was ever on.” I didn’t mind when my roommate wanted to get cable for our last 6 months living together, since I had her to split the bill with. Now that I’m on my own, I pay $14.99/month for internet, have an antenna hooked up to my TV for the basic channels, and stream Netflix and Hulu Plus through my Chromecast, which I bought for $35 at Wal-Mart. One of the best financial decisions I’ve made thus far since living on my own.

11. Learn to ‘Save as Draft.’

If you have something important to say, but feel like you are clouded by your emotions… consider writing everything down and not holding back. Get it all out, then save it for later. Give it an hour, or a day, or a week, before you revisit it. Re-read, reflect, maybe even edit it to make your thoughts clearer. It’s a form of therapy I’ve used countless times and it always allows you to know how you feel before attempt you express it to someone else. It forces you to think before you open your mouth. After all, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place” (George Bernard Shaw).

12. Don’t buy a new outfit without getting rid of an old one.

We tend to hold onto clothes forever, because we never know if that one day will come when an outfit you haven’t worn (or even thought about) in 5 years will be relevant. Get rid of it! Donate—most places will pick up your clothes right from your door step. Having trouble letting go of certain clothing? Put it in a garbage bag and hide it in the back of your closet for 6-8 months. If you can go that long with thinking of the outfit, you are ready to let it go!

13. Dare to be different.

Whether it’s voicing an unpopular opinion you are passionate about (in a respectable way, of course), or choosing a weird outfit that you aren’t quite sure looks good… trust me. Even if you look ridiculous, all you need is confidence and people will think you’re an innovator.

14. Be happy, but never satisfied.

The two are not mutually exclusive. You’re allowed to (and should be) happy while still striving for more.

15. Get to the damn gym.

Not only is being active great for your body, but it’s priceless for your mind. Find a way to stay active. On top of that, try not to eat like complete shit all the time. You get one body in this life, and it’s up to you to treat it right.

16. Drink enough water.

Our bodies are made of mostly water. Whenever you start to feel off, chances are you just need to replenish. It’s something I have been working on, but I’m starting to realize the importance in it. Give your body what it craves.

17. Floss every day.

Man, I know it’s shitty. I know you don’t want to waste your time with it. But honestly, what does it take, like a minute? So in reality, you will spend 0.07% of your day flossing (trust me, I did the math). Furthermore, it only takes 21 days to form a habit. So if you just force yourself to do it for 21 days, on that 22nd day you would actually end up feeling guilty if you didn’t floss. That’s science right there. Either way, taking care of your teeth is important, how else are you going to smash delicious food? And smile and attract all the other attractive people? Just do it.

18. Drive safe.

The one piece of advice I got from my grandfather when I first started driving has stuck with me all these years: “Two seconds can change your life.” Whether it’s texting and driving, drinking and driving, speeding or running lights… in an instant, you could hurt yourself or others, or at the very least cause yourself a financial headache. And you’ll look back and think “Man, if only I hadn’t…” and that’s the absolute worst. Just don’t be an asshole behind the wheel. Be zen during rush hour. Use it to crank your music. Which brings me to our next point:

19. Never stop singing your heart out.

You know you do it. So whether you prefer the shower or the car, just make sure you keep it up. Sometimes life can get the best of us and it’s beyond therapeutic to sing at the top of your lungs. Even if you’re tone deaf, like me. Who cares. Sing like you think no one’s listening!

20. Send handwritten thank-you notes to people.

This is a lost art form in the days of e-mails, social media, and a dwindling postal service. But, think about how good you feel when you see a letter addressed to you in your mailbox. If someone does something nice for you, don’t ever let it go unnoticed. Never take someone’s kindness for granted. A handwritten note is so beautiful and so personal and means so much more than a text– do it every chance you get.

21. Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

I learned this in my ninth grade world history class, and still believe in it to this day. These days social media is how most of us get our information, making this statement so much more applicable. Do your own research, form your own opinions. Never take anyone’s word as the truth. History was written by the winners, anyway.

22. If you think it’s worth it, don’t ever give up.

Initially I wanted to make this one say “don’t be too ambitious,” only because I realized 23 life lessons may have been hard to reach. But I thought this post was worth it, and look how far I’ve gotten. If your heart and your head are saying you can do this, then do everything in your power to make it happen!

23. And finally, always poop on the company’s dime.

You spend endless hours at work taking other peoples’ shit, you damn well better not wait til you get home to go yourself. Get paid for that shit (literally)– you deserve it.

And with that, I leave you with the anthem of my year. Happy almost birthday to me, bitches.