Category Thoughts

sun is shining, the weather is sweet

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It’s June and it’s finally starting to feel like summer in Cleveland.
And here too is your friendly reminder
to lighten the fuck up.
No really, just relax.
Be kind.
Say hi to strangers.
Compliment people. Genuinely.
Watch the sun rise.
Let that idiot in the Subaru in your lane.
Tell people to have a nice day — and sincerely mean it.

For most of my life, I’ve always had this approachable aura about me. No really — in a crowd full of people, I swear I am always the one strangers are drawn to. At the gym, at the grocery store, even at the office. I’m always the one who gets asked directions. People always try to make small talk with me in the elevator. Things like that. I think I just have one of those faces that people know they can trust. Or something like that.

So what did this cruel, bleak, Cleveland winter do to me? It hardened me. It depressed my spirit. It made me snippy with people — even ones I like! It made me feel like if I could just master the RBF [resting bitch face] and look unapproachable, people will stop trying to engage with me. Surprise: it didn’t work. It just made me crankier when those people inevitably did try and engage with me. What an unfortunate way to go about your every day. 

Cue summer vibes: right on time. It wasn’t a conscious decision I made, hell, I didn’t even realize how negative I really had been until I started writing this. But something in me switched. It started with small talk in the copy room at work, with that lady that always traps you in conversation when you’re only half listening. I had a nice, quick conversation with her then I walked away. Then it carried onto the road. I am a petty, passive aggressive driver when I want to be (read: all the time). In the last few days I have been leaving earlier so as to not be in any rush, and letting the crazy people do their own crazy thing behind their own wheel. I realized there is no use in getting myself in a mess or all worked up just because the turd in the BMW wants to cut me off. Something so simple, yet it felt so freeing. New people in my class at the gym? Instead of judging them and/or silently scathing them for being in my personal space… Oh, here you go–you just need a light set of weights, a heavy set, and a mat. No, you don’t want to get that close to me, we move around a lot. You’re doing great!

Life is so much easier (and less stressful !!!) when you are nicer. Nicer to other people, and nicer to yourself. It’s okay to relax. Things will work out. It’s easy to say and to practice when the sun is out and everything is green and beautiful. I just hope this feeling of positivity carries with me throughout all seasons.

“If you want to lift yourself up,
Lift someone else up.”

Dinner talk

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A few months back the boyf and I decided to have an impromptu date night. Cleveland Chop it was, due to the fact that a) their happy hour is absolutely amazing, and b) I had a craving for a good steak that wasn’t going to hurt his wallet too badly. Highly recommend this place for brunch too, btw.

So, I place an order for my 8 oz filet and the boyfriend tells me we just have to order these steak “cigars” as an app. Okay, I’m into it. They come out, all deep-fried and delicious looking, and when I asked if they were too hot to eat yet, his response kind of took me by surprise…

“Just don’t ruin your dinner by burning the roof of your mouth on the appetizer.”

I mean, it’s a simple enough statement. Not waiting for that delicious cheese oozing out of a deep fried steak-um to cool off before shoving it in your mouth would definitely, completely ruin a good steak dinner. And probably a handful of dinners after that. The appetizer was good, but being too eager to try it may result in regret. It really didn’t hit me until well after the fact, but, in giving this simple warning, he inadvertently provided a very interesting perspective on life.

I think oftentimes we tend get too caught up in the moment. We are so trained to live in this instant gratification existence, that we don’t really consider how a split second decision could have lasting effects on us and those around us. Whether it’s in a relationship, through social media, or otherwise; sometimes we just get too impatient, too impulsive. We burn our mouths before the main course comes out.

Let this unexpected dinner talk be a lesson to everyone, to take a moment. Your course in this life is largely determined by a string of small, seemingly inconsequential decisions. You can always benefit from letting the damn food cool off first.

The politics of fasting

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If I’ve learned anything in my 26 short years on this planet, it’s that there is usually a logical reason behind every decision made. Even if you personally do not see it. Even when it comes to religion, which — growing up as a Catholic — did not always make much sense to me. And Catholics always have so many dang rules.

Lenten season is upon us. It is a time for us to reflect on the death and resurrection of Jesus, who fasted for the 40 days and 40 nights leading up to his death. As early as the first century, Catholics wrote of fasting to commemorate this great sacrifice.

Fasting started with bread, and then evolved to worshipers avoiding meat, eggs, and dairy. By the 13th century, it was widely understood that abstaining from meat only went as far as avoiding warm-blooded, land-locked animals. It did not include cold-blooded animals, such as fish (and would actually include snakes, alligators, and other reptiles, too). So now we have an answer to the popular question, “How is fish not considered meat?” when it’s allowed on Fridays during Lent. Warm-blooded animals were thought to be too delicious… they were believed to be an aphrodisiac, and largely considered a luxury in the 1200s. Catholics needed to remember the sacrifices Jesus made for us by eating food that didn’t taste good. It was said to be a lesson in modesty.

While many Catholics accept the origins of fasting for what it is — ingrained in their tradition; a sacrifice worshippers make, that started shortly after Jesus’ death — others believe history went a just little differently. The conspiracy theory goes as follows: a medieval pope made a secret pact with his fisherman crew to boost the sales in the fishing industry. Though widely popular, this story has never actually been verified.

Regardless of any secret pact that may or may not have been made, for centuries now, many associate holy holidays with fish. The amount of meatless days surpassed just Fridays and went on to include Wednesdays, Saturdays, Advent and Lent, and other sacred days (any Italians ever heard of the Feast of the Seven Fishes?). The fish industry was booming, and fasting days became “central to the growth of the global fishing industry.”

feast-of-the-seven-fishes-recipes-for-christmas-eve-celebrations

It was the 16th century in England when shit got political.

You all know the story of Henry VIII — he began his reign in 1509, and was married to Catherine of Aragon. He was madly in love with Anne Boleyn and wished to be with her instead. Much to Henry’s dismay, the Pope refused to annul his marriage to Catherine because Catholics didn’t divorce. This prompted Henry to break off from the Roman Catholic Church and start the Church of England, where he could divorce ol’ Catherine and marry his beloved Anne.

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At this time, fish dominated the menu for a good part of the year. But when Henry left to start his own thing, eating fish became political — and thus, abstaining from it was an act of defiance, demonstrating solidarity with the Church of England. When you have an economy that has been so dependent on fishing for such a long time, and all of a sudden people refuse to eat fish… well, it becomes a problem. As a result, Henry’s son, Edward, VI, succeeded his father in 1547 and reinstated days of fasting to boost local fishing businesses.

As recent as the 1960s, fish prices were largely tied to the Catholic church’s stance on how strict they wanted to enforce fasting rules. Whether or not eating meat on Fridays will get you a first row ticket to Hell… well… that remains a mystery.

Sources:

In other news, this Lenten season I decided to give up the same thing I do every year: absolutely nothing. Because honestly, what even is the point anymore?

Then, yesterday — the day after Ash Wednesday — I treated someone whom I deal with on a daily basis very poorly. Partly because they said something rude to me at the beginning of my day, and partly because I’d been fed up with some of their actions for a while now. Later that night, I realized that yesterday was the anniversary of this same person losing a close family member.

And that’s when I decided this year I am going to do better. This year, I will treat every person who is mean or rude to me like they are going through something I don’t know about or wouldn’t understand. I will combat their meanness with kindness, every chance I get.

This year I will be a better me.

Maybe we should just be single for a few years and find ourselves

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I’ve never been one to get very political.

I think our system is largely predetermined and that democracy is just a meaningless word anymore, told to us to make us feel like we have control, when really we don’t. And, even if I’m incorrect in that assumption, I believe there are systems so well in place that our country can withstand a so-called bad president regardless.

That being said, on the eve of one of the most ridiculous presidential elections in history, there are some things to consider:

1. Being a woman in the business professional world, I’ve been in the presence of many-a narcissistic businessmen for most of my adult life, and one thing is consistent: they will always try to manipulate you. To the point where you think you are making the “right” decision, but in reality it’s a decision that benefits them. I’ve never met a money-driven CEO that was willing to put other’s needs in front of his own personal interests. But he damn sure will make you think he is.

That’s why I don’t think a businessman would make a good president.

2. I also know that there are things that go on in the White House that would make the general public shit its pants if we knew. There are secrets in those walls, and corruption beyond your comprehension. You’re foolish or just plain ignorant if you think otherwise. So think about someone who has been a part of that corrupt system for 30+ years. And while there are a lot of politicians out there that are able to remain innocent and ethical in the public’s eyes during their tenure, I don’t know if I trust someone in the White House who already knows how to rig the system in her favor.

That’s why I don’t think a former president’s wife and — let’s just call a spade a spade — a blatantly corrupt politician would make a good president.

So, basically, what I’m trying to say is, we’re fucked either way. Until our country can stray from this two-party system that has been so ingrained in our political tradition, we’re fucked no matter who wins.

But also, I view the presidency the same as I view the stock market: it has its ups and downs, but eventually it all evens out in the end. So yeah, we’re fucked in the short term… but we’ll probably be fine either way.

At least that’s what they want you to think.

funny-presidential-yard-signs-2016-election-fb3__700-png

 

This was always our year: Part II

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Cleveland is on fire (and I say that to include the dumpster fire that is the Browns so far this season, mind you), and there is no stopping us now. The Cavs win the championship for the first time ever and now, with an impressive record of 91-65, the Indians clinch their first division title in nearly a decade?? Is this real life? Hello, October 🙂

As long as you get blackout drunk every Sunday morning before the Browns play, it’s good to be a Cleveland fan in 2016.

More locker room fun at Bottlegate.com.

The unabridged story of how Charles Barkley saved my life

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No, not that Charles Barkley.

This Charles Barkley:

CB

Charles has been the man of the house [err…my apartment] for about 10 months now, ever since I adopted him last October when he was just two months old. In that time, he has chewed through just about every cord I own, puked on my hair dryer when I was hungover, ate a leather strap on my new shoe, stepped into the hot wax inside a Scentsy warmer and tracked it throughout my family room (but to be fair, he smelled fantastic for like a week after), and virtually prevented any sense of alone time by barging in on my showers. He’s also been the most affectionate, chillest, and best pet I could ever ask for; always greeting me at the door and there to cuddle on a lame Friday night. I live alone but I’m never actually alone, which I guess is the point of a pet. But CB is definitely the illest.

So fast forward to Saturday night, I’m getting home from my friends house after Conor McGregor won part 2 vs Nate Diaz, at about 1am. I’m getting out of my car to walk the 500 feet to the entrance of my building, and someone from across the parking lot tried to get my attention. But not in an “I need some help” sort of way… in a “hey, you, how you doin’ pretty little thang why you walkin’ away?” sort of way. Alarms sounded in my head and I picked up the pace as I made my way to the door.

As soon as I got in my apartment, I looked out my balcony and noticed the same man was trying to gain access to the building. Yikes. Logic says I should have called 911, but I tried calling my local police department first. No luck. He walked away seconds later and I continued to look out the window but he never came back. Freaked out and adrenaline-filled, I sat in my bed with my lights on and the TV on watching Scandal reruns until the wee hours of the morning. At some point my fear and adrenaline subsided (or maybe I just exhausted myself), and I drifted into a series of anxious, unpleasant dreams.

All of a sudden, I’m woken up by a loud THUNK! noise coming from my spare room. And again. I look at the clock: 4:40am. Did the crazy psycho finally come back for me? Did he get into my apartment? I grab a hammer and turn on the spare room light and couldn’t believe my eyes.

I thought I was dreaming. No glasses to aid my blurred vision, and a slight pang of a hangover creeping through my head, a shadow flew across the room as Charles lunged into the air and all of a sudden… nothing. Silence. Charles was just standing there under my computer chair, staring at me. I was left to figure out what just happened.

Standing in the doorway, I thought very carefully about what I just thought I saw. Was it a bird? A big moth? If it was either of those, wouldn’t it still be flying around? I couldn’t have just imagined it. I flicker the lights. Nothing. Did I just imagine it? Maybe I just need to go back to bed and chalk up tonight as one big loss.

And then I realized Charles’ hair was standing straight up, right where his tail met his ass. I’ve never seen him like that before. He was motionless, staring directly at me and never looking away. He was definitely trying to tell me something, and that’s when I noticed it.

vampire-bat

Charles was standing right between me and a black creature on the floor, as I approached it I realized I was looking at a fucking bat. I’d never seen one up close before, and I was mortified. It was so ugly.

When it occurred to me the steps this cat took to not only alert me that something was wrong, but to also stand between me and this unknown creature, I realized that he was basically acting as my protector. Hell, he was my protector. Charles Barkley saved my damn life that night.

If you’re interested in how this story ends, I’m afraid it didn’t end well for the bat. I got Charles out of that room and closed the door, locking Mr. Dracula in the 14’x9′ space. The good thing about renting an apartment is there is a 24-hour emergency maintenance hotline, so clogged drains and bats finding a way in my apartment don’t have to be my problem if I don’t want them to be. The bad thing is the hired help around here is not very experienced in the way of humane animal treatment… after about 5 minutes of attempting to whistle and snap and yell the bat out the window failed, well… I don’t need to tell you what happened next. Poor guy. They think he found his way in through the bathroom vent.

So yeah. That was my traumatizing Saturday night. At least I have a bad ass roommate to take care of me.

HBDCB

How to make 2016 a better, happier year

kc Leave a comment

For me, the secret to living a happier life can be broken down into a few simple rules:

  1. If it makes you happy, then do it.
  2. If it doesn’t make you happy, then don’t do it.
  3. If you have to force it, it’s probably not going to make you as happy as you think.
  4. If it makes you happy at someone else’s expense, then take that into consideration before you make your decision.

Also there’s this that I found on the interweb that is kinda genius as well:

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So probably follow all these if you want to have a better 2016.

k bye.

I shamelessly confess…

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Last week it took me three whole days to get the Phillips head connected to my $2 screwdriver so I could fix a screw that fell off the light switch in my room. I cut my finger on  a lemon earlier in the week, so every time I tried to detach the part I needed, I failed miserably. Three days I attempted this. Initially, when the screw fell, I thought it was a bug and I screamed out loud.

When I do see a bug in my apartment, I have to take a minute to compose myself. I calmly grab a piece of toilet paper, scoop up the creepy crawler, and squeeze it hard enough in my hand to make sure it’s dead before I (literally) throw it in the toilet. Then I close the toilet lid before I flush, so that I know the bug can’t escape. But I also have to open the  lid once it’s flushed just to make sure that the bug is, in fact, gone from my apartment.

There usually isn’t anyone around to open jars for me when I can’t do it. I either have to find the strength to get that shit done or do without whatever it is I thought I needed.

And yeah, living alone there is a good chance I can leave something until someone else who knows what they’re doing can come take care of it. The moral of this story is not that I’m some strong independent woman who don’t need no man doesn’t need anyone but myself. Because I need people. I needed my dad to come rescue me when my toilet wasn’t working and I had to poop really bad. I didn’t set up my own WiFi. And I totally convinced one of my coworkers to come over after work one night and put together a cabinet that I probably could have done on my own. I can depend on other people to do things for me.

But there are just those times
When you need to suck it up
And get it done for yourself.