Oh, hey there. Long time no see. Note to self: Never plan your first day at a new job directly following America’s birthday. You will not be ready for it Monday morning after a freakin’ weekend bender in the sun. Ugh. Anyway. ‘Murica.
So when I’m not spending 80% of my day at, learning, or thinking about my new job (which is great, really. I love it. But it’s new and they think I’m some sort of genius so they’re basically letting me dive right in), I’m thinking about weddings.
Ha. Ha. Ha. No, not my wedding. That’s a good one. I’m the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding at the end of summer, which will mark not only my first time as MOH, but first time in a wedding in general. And even with the most laid back bride in the world, planning various activities and helping out with everything can be a lot of work. Just thinking about the fact that my best friend who I grew up with (who is also five years my senior so shut up) is now ready to tie the knot… I can’t even.
If you happened to stumble across this post from last month, you know I’m in the midst of reading Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). As expected, it’s outstanding. I would compare it to Tina Fey’s Bossypants (which I also happened to write a little bit about here), in that it is a series of short, often hilarious/ridiculous, and surprisingly profound and empowering thoughts from a successful female comedian. I just finished a short essay entitled “Married People Need to Step It Up” that I feel is so important right now, with weddings constantly being on my brain (I’m looking at you, Facebook. Cut that shit out).
Mindy opens the essay explaining that the audience knows a Shakespeare play is a comedy (and not a tragedy) when it ends in a wedding. She argues, “…the actual reason Shakespeare ended them there is because he thought the journey leading up to marriage was more fun to watch than the one that begins after the vows were said.” Isn’t that how it usually goes? How many times have you heard your wedding day will be the greatest day of your life? And that it’s all downhill from there? Well, now we can blame Shakespeare for poisoning our minds with that garbage.
She goes on to talk about the unhappily married people, and how they have to stress marriage is always such hard work and how miserable it is. She says her divorced friends are some of the happiest, most enlightened people she knows after all is said and done. Her mom says, “…when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.” Hindsight is always 20/20 when it comes to breakups and even divorces.
So, you might ask, what is Mindy Kaling’s secret to a great marriage? [You probably weren’t asking that because she’s not married, but you’re about to find out.] As observed through her parents marriage: Just. Be. Pals. That’s it. While it is an overly simplified notion, it’s kind of genius. Marriage is always work, but wouldn’t you rather it be work you enjoy doing?
“I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it’s possible, and because I want it for myself.“